How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
