your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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