Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize