It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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