and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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