Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
