idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
