when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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