you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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