All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize