32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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