I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
