Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize