No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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