I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
