I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
