Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
