Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
These tits shall not be calmed
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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