I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
