Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
