I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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