she woke up with a sticky ear
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
