Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
