i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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