i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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