if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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