Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
