Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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