I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize