A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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