I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
