Taylor Swift is so right about you.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Randomize
