He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
