I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
