hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
