Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize