Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
