My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
