apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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