sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
