We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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