This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
NoShamevember. You game?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just pee around me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
