I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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