Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize