i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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