My boss' voice literally gives me gas
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
