wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
