yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
