Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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