is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
