to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
bring money and cleavage
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
