He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
