I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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