Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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