I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
