..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
