another moral hangover. fuck.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
