He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
