I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
