i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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