Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
