So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
