He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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