Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
