Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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