hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
