shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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