??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
