Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
