i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
