dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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