I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
