Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
