She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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