there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
